I'm bummed, go eat a bag of hammers.

       I'm probably going to delete the previous post, even though it's doubtful anyone will ever read it, or this for that matter.

         As soon as you're born you're expected to succeed, even if you're an infant who can't differentiate colours there is an incredible amount of pressure applied to accomplish goals that you probably haven't, and perhaps won't set in the first place. All parents want a successful, intellectual perfect child who doesn't wind up an alcoholic idiot who marries the guy who has the same traits; although evidently if you're a functioning alcoholic who can maintain a consistent flow of excellent Christmas gifts every year, that's fine too. Just pretend to look shocked when they wind up with liver cancer and play dumb by saying "they're just a casual drinker" and don't forget the open bar at the reception.
     There are some studies that have actually developed tests that can be given to children to give them an idea of the field they should pursue. This is what I call Ridiculous. The vast majority of people don't have a swift clue what they want to do in the future when they're grown, much less when they're like, seven. I wanted to be an icecream tester when I was 10. Luckily my parents pissed on every ambition I ever had, in turn I'm just a university educated-ish nobody that nobody cares about. Putting education on a pedestal is like bringing mom and dad home a stripper you met in Vegas and telling them she can "change"  after she takes the majority of yours - It sounds like a fantastic idea, but eventually you're going be robbed stupid and bitter at how naive you were.

    I wish people would get a cold shower of reality earlier in life, because that's the equivalent of how it feels initially; your chest tightens, muscles in your arms and legs tighten and you're woken up immediately to the cold reality and all the warm towels are in the washer soaked and you forgot to put them in the dryer this morning. There should be some kind of warning kids get while in the grades where they pass you because Gramma Jean wrote a pissed off letter in all capslock because she believes her grandchild is "raight good at Engmish" that their support systems in there lives are probably going to disappear off the planet quicker then you run when your fifteen year old girlfriend says she wants a baby.
   
      In closing, you are going to spend half your life trying to care about someone and the other half is going to be spent competing with someone on who can care the least.

Just a tad bit stressed

This is just a brief banter about shit that irritates me lately.

1. Summer school + lack of a job.

- Fuck Summer school. Fuck, it’s stressful and Canada student loan isn’t helping any. I failed anatomy and physiology in the fall because I’m genuinely stupid and in turn, need to complete and pass it this term, otherwise my ass is screwed financially and educationally. The course itself ran me 760$ to take it in six weeks and my unemployed ass had to pay for it. I obviously applied for a student loan, I got the assessment on what they feel I should receive to pay for my living expenses while I’m in school. They feel 1050$ covers my tuition, rent, food and other expenses like books. 1050$ covers my rent and 1/5^th of my tuition and 0% towards my books. Nobody will hire me here because I’m in school for 10 hours a day until June 22^nd and in June all the pesky high school students are going to secure all the decent jobs. Plus side is..uh...I’ve formed a study group in my class and we get shit done. Sort of.

- I’ve been getting the third degree to come to Nova Scotia and visit for the last five months and the people back home do not recognize the fact it costs me like, 500-700 bucks to get home and back. I have no job and they assume I have magical income I can pull out of my ass because I can budget better than them. Guess what? Budgeting is about spending money on shit you know you can afford! Guilt tripping someone isn’t a great idea if you want them to not be completely broke and stuck in Manitoba. I haven’t had a consistent job in almost three years due to moving around. Did you not get the fucking memo?

2. People who use you

FUCK THEM.

I understand sometimes you need something that someone else can provide just out of the goodness of their demeanour. Heck, I’m cool with helping people out. I’m not a total dick. If someone needs help with school work and I know what I’m doing in the subject I’m game for explaining it to your slow ass. I’ll hangout with you when you’re etching to get out and no ones answering their phones. However, you’ve gotta draw a line sometime. When it’s blatant you’re being used it’s beyond irritating. I have a friend that I only tend to hear from when they want something. When I first got here they seemed pretty cool and they’re in my program so I figured it’d work pretty well. However they also know I hate bars and belligerent shit shows 90% of the time, so I guess this cancels me out of the friend circle and puts me into the overly responsible circle.

At the start of the school year they asked if I’d be cool to watch their infants one night and I decided to be nice and do it. I don’t see why not. Whatever. Three months later they call again and say “hey wanna watch my kid so I can get a beer with someone for an hour or two tonight?” Sure, why not? I’ll be extra nice because everyone should be able to hangout with a friend with a beer over dinner sometime.

A month later they call again. I’m far too nice and don’t want to seem assholeish and still don’t have much to do in this city so I say OK.

Today, I’m sitting around and they call again and ask me what I’m doing tonight. I’m on the fence on getting out of the house because cabin fever’s setting in because I really haven’t done anything in close to 4 months. He immediately asks if I’m cool with watching his kid tonight. The kids asleep by the time I get there. At this point I’m sick of it so I say I can’t because I might be going out/have to study. I say sorry and they say it’s ok and just before they hungup, I guess they didn’t fully hangup as I heard them say “bitch” under their breath.

YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?

I’m done.

Cheers.