Bacon! Food! Tasty! Recipes?

Hey fools, I know you’re all up and all livid about the state of Florida instantly becoming the sociopaths of the world’s new vacation spot so I’m not even gonna press your opinion buttons. Instead I’m gonna fuck with your tastebuds and salivary glands.

It’s super fricken’ hot out now that it’s July, and by hot I mean like 35 degrees. In americanese that’s like 90 degrees. I don’t care if it’s hotter where you are, I just don’t like having my hand stick to the fridge everytime I open it now. I was up the other night at like, four AM talking to a few friends and one of them asked me for some random chicken recipes when I instantly realized I haven’t cooked up any cool shit and posted it on my blog in a while. I got to thinking of things I haven’t made in a while. My mom’s been off the handle the last few weeks while I’ve been home to get me to make her a cool dish so essentially she gave me money to cook with. I decided to make use of it by buying pasta and a whole lotta bacon and chicken.

YES. BACON. CHICKEN. FETTICHINI. MARBLE CHEESE. FANCY ALFREDO SAUCE..And a bunch of spices and vegetables.

This is the approximate measurements/stuff you need to impress mom/dad/orphan parents/the one you sleep with regularly

A box of fettuccini (about 150g) – whole grain takes 10-20mintes longer to cook but still fantastic

6 cups-ish of water

Dash of salt (make water boil faster)

2 cups of diced peeled carrots

However much bacon you want to use/need to use to make a layer. I used seven pieces.

3 cups of diced chicken

Tons of spices! Experiment with this! I just put gobs of pepper/paprika/chilipowder/garlic powder/parsely/thyme and mixed it all up in a bowl with the chicken and let it sit for about a half hour to absorb it all before i baked it

A fair amount of alfredo sauce. I used an entire bottle and it covered the noodles decently

3ish cups of grated marble cheese

A box of turkey stuffing

Pictures!

Bacon!

This is after I made the noodles with the carrots + sauce + spiced chicken, that was the first layer and I separated the two layers with a layer of bacon (duh)

FINAL PRODUCT! NOOOOOOOOMS.

This is the final product before I hucked it in the oven. Delicious.

post-baking for 15 minutes

My folks inhaled half of it before I could get a picture of the final-final product

Any questions on preparations feel free to comment below!

Extra, extra, read all about it - FREAKIN' 16 YEAR OLD MARRIES 51 YEAR OLD!1!1!!ONE

WHAT THE LAPDANCING CHRIST?!

OK. I haven’t posted in a bit because I’ve been busy trying to pass this stupid summer course, but I was just looking at useless bits of information on the internet. I just read a 16 year old musical/”actor”/floosy Courtney Stodden married some old guy who was on X-files named Doug Hutchison.

IS THIS EVEN LEGAL?!

This dingy broad is sixteen. Sixteen as in you can’t even vote yet sixteen. Sixteen as in you have you beginners license. SIXTEEN AS IN YOU STILL GET HIT FOR ID WHEN YOU WANNA SEE 18+ HORROR MOVIES IN THEATRES.

However, I don’t believe she’s going to be getting hit for ID anytime soon, seeing as how she looks like this

I know what you’re thinking, mom and dad must be trying to convince their daughter to make the right decision on who she marries, reminding her the decision making part of her brain isn’t fully developed yet, or at least covering her bedroom with pictures of half naked, 62 year old saggy old dudes to remind her, that her new husband is going to look like that when she’s twenty six.

NOPE!

““We are totally supportive of this marriage,” Courtney’s mother Krista Stodden told Radar Online. “Doug is a wonderful man and we love him.”

According to Doug’s website, they “became husband and wife on Friday May 20th, 2011, at 12 pm in The Little Chapel of Flowers in Las Vegas, Nevada. Mr. and Mrs. Hutchison live together happily ensconced in their Hollywood Hills home with their lil’ pups, Everette and Tuna!”

THAT IS WHAT MUM SAID. [source] http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/06/courtney-alexis-stoddens-mother-supportive-of-16-year-olds-marriage-to-doug-hutchison-51/

“Every father can only pray to have such a man behind their daughter,” Alex told Radar Online, explaining he gave Courtney his full approval to walk down the aisle with Doug. “Courtney is one of the most levelheaded girls out there, and I’m not just saying that because she’s my daughter.”

He added: “Doug is the nicest man I’ve ever met in my life.”

THAT IS WHAT DAD SAID! [ source ] http://www.okmagazine.com/2011/06/courtney-alexis-stoddens-dad-47-on-her-hubby-doug-hutchison-51-nicest-man-ever/

Clearly, a team of psychologists, psychiatrists, and Miss Cleo need to sit this girl and her folks down to let them know that the last thing this pedophile and little girl need to do is get married and never, ever reproduce. Additionally, to figure out a more effective way to become famous – maybe instead of getting married to a creepy old guy and producing awful tone deaf music and drunk-sounding PSA’s

Where’s Chris Hansen when you need him. True “love” may be blind, but it isn’t it’s not the creepy old man who’s older then your own father.

Cheers fools!

Just a tad bit stressed

This is just a brief banter about shit that irritates me lately.

1. Summer school + lack of a job.

- Fuck Summer school. Fuck, it’s stressful and Canada student loan isn’t helping any. I failed anatomy and physiology in the fall because I’m genuinely stupid and in turn, need to complete and pass it this term, otherwise my ass is screwed financially and educationally. The course itself ran me 760$ to take it in six weeks and my unemployed ass had to pay for it. I obviously applied for a student loan, I got the assessment on what they feel I should receive to pay for my living expenses while I’m in school. They feel 1050$ covers my tuition, rent, food and other expenses like books. 1050$ covers my rent and 1/5^th of my tuition and 0% towards my books. Nobody will hire me here because I’m in school for 10 hours a day until June 22^nd and in June all the pesky high school students are going to secure all the decent jobs. Plus side is..uh...I’ve formed a study group in my class and we get shit done. Sort of.

- I’ve been getting the third degree to come to Nova Scotia and visit for the last five months and the people back home do not recognize the fact it costs me like, 500-700 bucks to get home and back. I have no job and they assume I have magical income I can pull out of my ass because I can budget better than them. Guess what? Budgeting is about spending money on shit you know you can afford! Guilt tripping someone isn’t a great idea if you want them to not be completely broke and stuck in Manitoba. I haven’t had a consistent job in almost three years due to moving around. Did you not get the fucking memo?

2. People who use you

FUCK THEM.

I understand sometimes you need something that someone else can provide just out of the goodness of their demeanour. Heck, I’m cool with helping people out. I’m not a total dick. If someone needs help with school work and I know what I’m doing in the subject I’m game for explaining it to your slow ass. I’ll hangout with you when you’re etching to get out and no ones answering their phones. However, you’ve gotta draw a line sometime. When it’s blatant you’re being used it’s beyond irritating. I have a friend that I only tend to hear from when they want something. When I first got here they seemed pretty cool and they’re in my program so I figured it’d work pretty well. However they also know I hate bars and belligerent shit shows 90% of the time, so I guess this cancels me out of the friend circle and puts me into the overly responsible circle.

At the start of the school year they asked if I’d be cool to watch their infants one night and I decided to be nice and do it. I don’t see why not. Whatever. Three months later they call again and say “hey wanna watch my kid so I can get a beer with someone for an hour or two tonight?” Sure, why not? I’ll be extra nice because everyone should be able to hangout with a friend with a beer over dinner sometime.

A month later they call again. I’m far too nice and don’t want to seem assholeish and still don’t have much to do in this city so I say OK.

Today, I’m sitting around and they call again and ask me what I’m doing tonight. I’m on the fence on getting out of the house because cabin fever’s setting in because I really haven’t done anything in close to 4 months. He immediately asks if I’m cool with watching his kid tonight. The kids asleep by the time I get there. At this point I’m sick of it so I say I can’t because I might be going out/have to study. I say sorry and they say it’s ok and just before they hungup, I guess they didn’t fully hangup as I heard them say “bitch” under their breath.

YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?

I’m done.

Cheers.

Slut Walk

No, there isn’t a hot girl party in your living room. It’s a trap if there is,

In Toronto, a trashy dressed woman was told she would be less at risk of sexual assault if she had been less “slutty” dressed after she had been sexually assaulted in January 24th, 2011.

Since then, girls in Toronto and elsewhere have thrown a hissyfit about the ambiguousish wording the police officer used at the time, because she is, for whatever reason all about dressing with most of her ladybits on display. She also has taken a few classes in women’s studies in University so clearly she felt the need to write papers about it too and tell everyone in Toronto who also likes to display their ladybits to run in the streets, and get mad over a word, which just so happens to be defined as...

–noun

1.

a dirty, slovenly woman.

2.

an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.

About 2000 – 4000 people showed up to parade in the streets with trashy, half wrecked clothes and quasi-creative signs to catch nearby news reporters’ attention to take cool pictures of and put them in their blogs and 4chan.

Oh gosh

Don't get me wrong, I totally support anything that helps sexual assault victims get through the issues that are associated after being assaulted. However, after reading into what the officer actually said, he did not say LYKE IF U DRESS LIKE A SLUT U TOTALLY DESERVE TO BE RAPED LAWLS. He merely said to take into consider the clothing you wear while walking around at night alone, but in a more blunt way. Hell, growing up my parents literally told me to not dress slutty and walk anywhere. Much less the streets of fucking Toronto.

In any given society you’re judged by the clothes you wear – in job interviews you’re expected to dress in dress clothes that are appropriate for the job interview. You’re brought up to dress in a conforming manner. I’m not talking about dressing up like it’s your wedding everyday, just to merely use common sense. Bright coloured hair = totally fine in most situations, wanna wear a few necklaces? Have at it! Wanna walk around the streets at night with half your clothes gone and be aware that there are many people who are mentally and socially incapacitated walking the streets around you who are simply out to get you, the lack of clothing just enticed them more.

It doesn’t mean assault victims deserve it, it simply means it’s unsafe to put yourself out there to that extent and to the rapist it opens the invitation even more. It does NOT initiate it.

If you have NO idea what the hell I’m talking about, SlutWalk

Cheers.

Gobs and gobs of food!

I’ve been without my camera since Christmas because when I went home to Nova Scotia in December, I brought my camera. I was planning on taking pictures when I was home and I did as most people in my family have the photography skills of a blind, deaf armless pirate.

I didn’t get much food cooking done because I had a ton of distractions back home and not enough time. When I got back to Manitoba I realized Christmas robbed me blind, so I couldn’t make anything significantly awesome. Then, I got a job a few months back and could afford to sort-of eat. I made some kick ass food but then realized I forgot my camera charger back home, and after FIVEMONTHSOFBANTERINGTOMYPARENTSTOMAILMEIT. I finally got it.

First dish: Easy peasy baked spicy chicken breast with linguini alfredo, with sliced grilled yellow potato and veggies! Noms!

Second dish: Fresh snapper cooked in lemon pepper sauce with mashed potatos and canned veggies with apple sausages and chopped up carrots. Lots of protein but who cares? Haha.

Lastly, Homemade applestrawberry’ fuckin coconut almond pie.

Chopped up some apples and strawberries, threw some oats and granola and brown sugar and regular sugar together. Garnish with two handfuls of coconut and almonds because coconut and almonds are AWESOME.

Mmm. Diabetes.

Dear Canada Post, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SERIOUS AGAIN, SERIOUSLY?!

University sucks.

It is basically the reason I haven’t posted in a while, plus the fact that I’ve been busy moving and getting the hell out of the ghetto.

Yay!

I just started changing my address on a bunch of stuff so mail doesn’t get sent to my old address and sending forms in for child abuse check to prove to my school that I don’t beat children on Tuesdays.

Anyway. I send the form in through Canada Post, put ONE stamp on it, figuring it would get to Winnipeg, which is exactly two hours away. I’ve mailed things to Ottawa from Nova Scotia with NO stamps perfectly fine before.

Then I move into my new apartment and the landlord says “Hey, you got mail sent back to you lols.”

WHAT YOU’RE KIDDING YOU BIG JERK

This is getting ridiculous.

Yeah, I finally got out of the ghetto because I secured a fucking beautiful new apartment and don’t have a terrifying intimidating nazi landlord. I messaged my previous landlord the other day after I moved all of my stuff into my new place about getting my damage deposit back, Absolutely shocking enough she’s withholding it to “clean your room.”

Fuckin’ Bologna.

I had a giant lab exam the same day I had to be out of my apartment and spent 30 hours straight studying for it prior to it. I’m not a dirtbag, I clean up after myself, especially if I’m living in someone elses house. I spilled a literal pin point dot of blue food colouring on her vomit-shade-of-white carpet. Completely unnoticeable unless your hands and knees. Food colouring is easily scrubbed out, and I even offered to scrub it out. She said nevermind because she was planning on ripping it up for her renovations. I assumed I was getting my damage deposit back as I cleaned the whole house out as the other tenants did NOTHING. Evidently, no. Fuck her and her ugly small house. I just wanted out of there and don’t feel like fighting over 200 bucks as she’s very intimidating and batheaded nuts.

Short story is, the new place is ten times better, roomier, cleaner and for fuck sakes the new landlord baked me freakin’ cookies two days after I moved in. YUS.

Cheers, fools.

Dear Music, what?

Sometimes, I feel old.

This in itself is kind of hilarious as I’m only 21. I volunteer with SIFE at my university and we develop programs that help the community and have various projects. For the most part, it’s usually a fun time. They sent me to California in the middle of October which was pretty fandangledly rad.

A few days ago, one of the people sent me a message asking for help on one of the projects I help run and I agreed because it was a reason for me not to go to one of my math classes which is pretty early and horrible.

The project was essentially teaching 6^th graders how to budget and we turned it into a fun game where they’re given money and have to pay bills and such. I was in charge of getting them to buy the crap they don’t need, such as candy.Mwhahaha.

Anyway, we finished the game and they all were let out for recess and I was thinking, what the hell do kids these days do for recess? We walked passed the gym and they had loud, bass-y techno blasting and were having some sort of a dance shin-dig. I then noticed half of the kids texting with iPhones.

My initial thought:

Yeah. I didn’t think. My brain was stuck in this image

When I was in sixth grade, I didn’t own a phone and we played TV initials.

TV initials is where five or six people stand against a wall and one person is about ten feet away and you give one initial of a TV show or a band and the first person to run up and guess it (you have to touch their hand first, though!). We didn’t have dance parties. Hell, we weren’t allowed to dance with other people

I also realize I’m almost double the age of some popstars that have more money than me, most which are in middle school and still have curfews. I know the majority of you just thought of that atrocity of a song by Rebecca Black.

Yeah, no. It’s not Friday, or Fryday.

This song is about fucking jeans.

Seriously.

What

The

Fuck.

The whole video is her singing about some celebrity having similar jeans, and she sounds like t-pain, but like twelve years old. She doesn’t know what to wear. Clothes would be a great idea, lady.

Majority of the video, she’s wearing a skirt. Does she have a community pair of jeans?

She should really wait til she’s eighteen before she lets people make use of her community jeans.

A, B, C

1, 2, 3

That girl wore her jeans like me

I bet she’s mad

‘cuz I look fat (?)

Ha-ha-ha

Jack my swag?!

Englightening.

HOW ELSE DO YOU WEAR YOUR JEANS? ON YOUR FACE?! THIS ISN’T EVEN ENGLISH. I WANT MY 4:01 MINUTES OF MY LIFE BACK. NAO.

Hokay. I’m done. I’m never reproducing, ever.

Hope I made you laugh!

Cheers.